Shifting focus

[alicebentley]

I've learned it's hard to make myself write things, and even harder to post them. But I enjoy reading everyone else's posts so much I'm once again making the try at it.

For much of the last year I've been trying to do many things, and failing at most of them. My head knows how it's supposed to go, and my heart remembers pulling off projects with delighted regularity, but today's reality is I just don't do it.

So this last couple of months have been me acknowledging the things I've said I would do and haven't, and letting the other folks involved know that they need to get someone else in. I'm really grateful to you all for having faith in me, and the grace and generosity you've shown when I fell short of that faith.

For now, I'm hunkering down. My daily energy is being directed at doing the best job I can at The Country Store and Farm. I'm allowing my time off work to be claimed by extra sleeping, reading a book, and light housecleaning. I've already passed on my responsibilities to all but one outside project, and now I'm going to stop mentally telling myself that I'll go to that drawing class, start back in on martial arts, put time into that stained glass project, or pursue any of the dozen new business schemes that bounce around in my head. Better to have no aspirations, and then accomplish some things anyway, than to constantly be surrounded by the things I am failing to do.

That's the plan anyway. Time will tell what works. Thanks for listening.

Comments

[msagara.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Guilt is so corrosive.

[alicebentley]

True! And it helps more than I can say for me to have realized that, and deal with it instead of just ignoring.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Wishing you strength and energy!

[alicebentley]

Thanks, especially the strength. Now to hunt me down some wisdom, as where to direct that energy once it returns is still a mystery.

[kaffy_r]

You've done the brave and responsible thing in acknowledging failed projects and promises, and facing the people to whom you made those promises.

You are doing the wise and responsible thing by narrowing your focus to replenishing your own mental, physical and spiritual energy.

I wish you strength and peace.

[alicebentley]

Thanks for the support. It counts.

[quadrivium.livejournal.com]

Good luck with the plan! My energy for getting the "big" things done on my things-to-do is just now picking up a little. And boy, it can be derailed easily.

*Hugs* I am so glad you wrote here today. I've really enjoyed reading more frequent posts from lj people too. And I'm trying to contribute. I'm still quite a bit better at commenting or just reading rather than posting.

[alicebentley]

I'm still not sure about what I'll be posting, or when, but I'm determined to make the effort. Later. (Gotta run off to work now.)

Thanks for the encouragement!